


Desperate Pleading to an Absent God

by GaHoolianGirl



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Be warned it's not positive or negative, Bittersweet, Gen, Read the AN, Reflection, Religious Conflict, Religious Content, Short, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:45:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: Does the Maker love me too?What do you think?The Maker has given me no mother or father. He does not give me enough to eat or good clothes. I do not think he is looking at me at all.Then do you think he is cruel?He hesitated to answer her, because if he were to answer honestly, it would be blasphemy.Then He does not have to be your god, whoreson.





	Desperate Pleading to an Absent God

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so look, this is my view of Zevran's personal journey with religion. It sounds mostly negative for 3/4 but gets very nuetral at at the end. If you are highly Christian and/or very supportive of the Chantry, this is...not a fic for you to read.

_ Is the Maker a cruel god? _

Zevran used to call himself pious; he prayed each night for the Maker to forgive him for his sins, he knew the Chantry rhetoric, he heard babies laugh and thought the Maker was there.

But as every child in his circumstance did, he had asked the question  _ Does the Maker love me too? _

Most of the whores had told him what they were supposed to.  _ Of course he does, _ the kind ones would say with a pat to the head. The less gentle ones would admonish him for ever doubting Him and would box him in the ears.

Not all of them spoke as the Chantry wanted, however. One of the prostitutes, a woman getting up there in terms of years she could be seen as viable for her profession, had asked him a question in return.

_ What do you think? _

_ Well, the Maker has given me no mother or father. He does not give me enough to eat or good clothes. I do not think he is looking at me at all. _

_ Then do you think he is cruel? _

_ He hesitated to answer her, because if he were to answer honestly, it would be blasphemy. _

_ I do think he is rather cruel, he said quietly. _

_ Then He does not have to be your god, whoreson. _

Those words hung over him like a cloud for the rest of his life. He had managed to put them behind him when he was bought by the Crows, too busy struggling to survive to question the validity of an omnipotent god. Prayers brought him some peace at night, so who was he to wonder if they were answered?

That was, until Rinna died.

Those doubts from his boyhood began to resurface. What all loving god would take away from him his most important person? What merciful god would let him feel so empty? Would any god who cared for him at all let him yearn for death so much?

The Maker was cruel, and had abandoned him.

He no longer thought of the Maker, or anything really, until he left Antiva for Ferelden, and met his own personal saviour, the Warden. He never meant to look at them in a worshipful light, he knew it would be considered idolatry. But the Maker had turned his cheek to the ex-Crow where the Warden had extended their hand.

Instead of desperately pleading to an absent god, Zevran took the hand offered to him and chose to begin anew.

The Maker could be any type of god He wants, cruel, merciful, forgiving, vengeful, and it wouldn't matter. If His words brought you solace, then they were meaningful. If they were just hollow platitudes, then they were as empty as the air.

Whatever god He chose to be, Zevran no longer had room for Him, to love Him or question Him.

_ Then He does not have to be your god, whoreson, the woman in his memories spoke. _

**_Then He is not._ **

**Author's Note:**

> My own personal feelings on religion slipped in durinb the last few sentences haha. This is a pointless little bit of reflection but please enjoy anyhow.


End file.
